Youre there, youre all set. You have what you need and you already know what to do but you just dont want to go on. Even the thought of taking another step is so hard to bare. Theres always something pulling you back. A lot of people even the ones who know you well may not understand. They think youre just being a whining lazy person or youre just ungrateful and cant appreciate your life.
There are also times that you just dont want to open up anymore because you dont want to make them feel the same thing and get the people around you involve. They will never understand anyway... Heck, you dont understand whats going on too. You dont understand why the hell sadness keeps on getting into your system and makes you cry for no reason at all. You cant even get help too especially when the people around you are feeling the same way too. Its like we`re all trapped inside a very small black box.
There are times when you cant fall asleep. Even when you try, images and voices keeps on popping everywhere inside your head. You just cant stop thinking even random things. There are also times when you just sleep and sleep the whole day. When you get up, all you have is a blank stare. Your mind is just blank and you feel numb all over. It makes you feel scared, insecure and you just want to hide. There are times when you dont care at all. You go out of the house without looking at the mirror or fixing yourself. People stare and they give you their most criticizing look but you just dont care anymore. Sometimes you just want to stay in one corner because it makes you feel secure from all your worries.
Even when you try to creep out of the black box and try to be happy, you still end up going back inside the box. Not because you want to but because youre suddenly pushed inside it again. It becomes a routine and then you just get tired of fighting and trying. Its a never ending cycle...
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